Value.

*Warning this post has no toll house cookies..at the end but if yah wanna lol! its a little deep and just.... 'sigh'.**last chance to click on a lighter blog***

"If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price."(author unknown)

One question...

Would you personally let ANYONE ELSE talk to you...the way YOU talk to you?

I would never speak to another person the way I do to myself.

And to think I have such a low self value I ALLOWED someone else to say ugly and mean things (some of them true) ..Because what was said out loud and directed AT ME was pretty much how I talk to myself...
..to be be mean and hurtful. I totally believed all of it....Im just realizing that at least some of the stuff was just plain to be mean... *insert long drawn out "DUHHHHHHHH" here.*


What I know right NOW.

In my personal definition ~I am a good mom.

I going to rock at homeschooling WADE and CONNOR

today...I was such a good wife seriously, I even impressed Jared;clean house,dinner
hey get your mind out of the gutter...sheeesh! lol!

I spend ALOT of time in front of the computer...~ writing, research and projects...yup and SOCIALIZE and writing blogs so I can figure stuff out.. it really helps..

There is a thing called Constructive and DESTRUCTIVE criticism
Destructive criticizing is bullying ... a part in someones drama ~I out grew that in 5th grade I think.

I also recognize that I CANT go on FB more than once per day and thats AFTER all my stuff gets done... FB..its like a bug light in the summer...I just get so mesmerized by "the pretty light" lmbo

I have some people who I KNOW would drop EVERYTHING to help me in any way they can.The "authentic and genuine friends...wow.
THAT was my "Leap of Faith, when I hit rock bottom" a message here, comment there, calling back till I answer one of my phones.

Oh by the way I seriously am not being a big crybaby....My eyes are just..just... just LEAKING. okay?!

School, kids,work stuff house felt like the sky was falling. SO my response?! Hide and brace for impact?! So HERE is the deal.. Im doing all this stuff(anxious about getting ANY of this stuff RIGHT) depending on, choosing EXPERTS (Im my opinion)moms,wife, working mom & stay at home moms , around me. .... while I navigate myself through a whole bunch of stuff I HAVE no exact pattern of how to DO AT ALL!

SO now about that quote at the top of the page. If I don't place a value to my ability I will most certainly fail...simply because bottom line ~If you don't believe you can do something you don't try~ and if you don't try~ than you don't know.

oh lol! The Titanic was built by experts "The Ark" was by beginners I saw that somewhere and find that to be... a little comforting?!

Homeschooling/public schooling moms
of
mischievous toddlers that put mascara on the dog
and
teenagers who can be really really mean
and
in grad school~still feeling daunted and can't believe it wasnt an accident that I GOT IN.....
and
I may have had a nervous breakdown last weekend?-a need sleep...I hear...SO I tried out Ambian spun me into the worst depression OF MY LIFE. That being said; I have an amazing husband that supported the idea to go to the DR and get some help with the anxiety, depression "feels like the sky is falling THING" medicine based oh yah
and never, ever it works GREAT for some....Im told...really though....there is much safer & less scary stuff out there than AMBIAN *in just under 1 month,it can totally mess you up....'sigh'

I already go to therapy every week...I knew I wasnt crazy because it felt like "I was loosing it"...And guess what? crazy people never THINK they are crazy!
Im figuring out how to deal with all this stuff by extrapolating ideas from friends who are doing a few of these~
Im really not even weird ed out... by my dog who is wearing mascara that Rowynn borrowed it and put on our wonderful and patient dog.
Im just annoyed that about my mascara going missing while Im trying to put "myself" back together.
FYI I AM OKAY!