Expectations-Old Post

Perfectly..... Flawed
Does it sound weird to be totally fine with being ME! I think it sounds hoaky and so "old foegy." LOL!
I was running the other night down a mostly melted trail and I got to thinking. I have so many things
that I need to fix about myself. But for the first time in my life it doesn't make me scared or overwhelmed or
ANY of that. Its all stuff I can see and I want to change about my self. Not FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Just...for me. I am not perfect by any means. I have always feared NOT being perfect because I was sure that it meant that the people I value and care about most in my life~ would reject me if I wasn't exactly who they wanted and expected me to be. I hence, I wore masks I guess. I found myself in a total panic trying to please or apologize when ever someone would get annoyed or mad at me. Reasoning that if I couldn't fix THAT thing they would leave me forever..I have found that people who do that kind of thing: KNOW that they are manipulating and it is their VERY OWN issue..heh-heh...not mine, AMAZING huh?
I don't know what has changed really. I still care. I just have concluded that if I am going to change anything about myself, its going to be because I WANT to improve ME.
I have LONG since stopped trying to fix people- so why have I been allowing people to try to fix ME? I am Perfectly... flawed. I have some work to do on myself but it is no more or less than anyone reading this rant has to deal with on their own. I REALLY am happy being who I am.I don't want to be anyone elses version of who they would like me to be. I cant believe I have been so blessed w/ so many people who love this "functionally flawed" me. I can tell who the pretenders are in my life for the first time EVER. I don't even invest myself in those relationships any more.