Beyond Words

So I got the phone call today from the program director for APU. As many know I put in a packet to start my Masters degree in Counseling Psychology. I have been waiting on a response and..it finally came. I have been probationaly admitted to start school in Aug. Its probational, because I am not coming out of the mental health community and INTO the program. I am coming from..HOME and into a highly intensive graduate studies program. After January I will get evaluated, and the probationary status will be removed. I have been sort of worrying alot about getting accepted, thinking the worse. It seems that this is the course my life will be taking~ I cant explain how badly I wanted this. I was fully prepared to purchase some Haagen Daz and cookies and pizza and cry my eyes out if I found out today that I didn't get in.. But I DID get in! and now I really dont have a plan of action to how to handle celebrating this most desired outcome...Im NOT a pessimist...I don't think. I just get so scared when I want something so BIG, and I think ...well maybe its just out of my reach? I almost broke up with Jared when we were dating for this reason~ It just felt insane to hope for something so awesome. I felt guilty for wanting an awesome relationship, not worthy. Now Im back here again wanting an awesome career and I am thinking why should I get it.. Well I think I figured out something. Wanting something to improve in your life is great. Wanting and working to make changes to improve a persons life~ it changes the dynamic into a cause and effect situation. Its not that I deserve either more or less than anyone else, its that I have worked and the result is positive consequences. Heavenly Father has blessed me~ I feel humble and grateful and I think I have to go cry now.