So Scared...

I have had quite the little adventure getting ready&set to go back to school. There was the application process.Then finding 3 people who would, "lie a blue streak" and say all kinds of nice things about me ;-) lol.

Then there was the MAT test that was required~entirely more difficult than I had expected.(Now THAT was a high drama day)
lol!




Finding a few cute things to wear to school.Not a day I care to repeat.Did you know that MY BUTT used to actually be cute in jeans? not now, not since..perhaps 1997?


I went to the MSCP orientation last Sunday. Everyone there looked like they had stepped right out of an REI ad. Having just left church, I was in a dress and hose and heels. I felt like such a dork.


We had to share and interesting fact about ourselves....I had nothing. I simply stated..."Um, heh, I have 8 kids?"(in comparison to;the world traveler,UAA's 2008 valedictorian and the woman that speaks 6 languages fluently I sounded SO lame). I smiled waved, kinda dorky like... and sat down. Mouths gaped for a moment (everyone forgot who was next)...and I turned the full spectrum of reds from your Crayola crayon box...(the 96 count)




In an attempt to understand why I am feeling this intense rush of anxiety over starting back to school. I identify with a character in an old movie.



*Josie Gellar, is a brainy yet plain copy editor for the Chicago Sun Times. She desperately wants to be a reporter and one day her wish comes true. She is sent undercover to her old high school to find out about what teenagers are like. Though she accepts Josie has some painful memories, when she was in high school she was a geek with braces who was called Josie Grossie. She was humiliated on her prom night by the guy she had a crush on. Josie sees her assignment as an opportunity to redo everything and correct the mistakes she made in high school. She gets a make over, and with the help of her brother who was popular in high school, becomes friends with the pretty but pea brained, popular girls.

First day of High school I passed out in the Hallway from anxiety. I was beside myself with worry about; dropping something,tripping over my own feet or pretty much embarrassing myself beyond measure.So when I woke up,I was in the nurses office. I looked around and realized..indeed my worse nightmare had ACTUALLY come true. When I passed out, a couple of seniors carried me to the nurses office.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy One of the fundamental premises of REBT is that humans, in most cases, do not merely get upset by unfortunate adversities, but also through how they construct their views of reality through their language, evaluative beliefs, meanings and philosophies about the world, themselves and others.

Long story short,People construct the world they live in based on the beliefs they hold close to them. Some things are irrational. That, by the way, doesn't really matter because if you believe it....to that person IT IS reality. Like the old Adage, Just because someone is paranoid,doesn't mean people aren't after them! lol!
I am petrified of making a total dork of myself. Either saying something stupid or whatever. I have to realize it is QUITE possible that I WILL say or do something stupid...EVENTUALLY. but WHEN I do is it going to ruin my life? Probably not.

so ya, I AM DOING this tomorrow. Maybe I can just get through tomorrow without making a total @ss of myself.Wish me luck on that lol!